Does Jesus Care?

Yesterday I got one of those phone calls that I don't care for. Our missions staff that lives in a remote community called to let me know that J. (age 17) had taken her own life. I was stunned. Then angry. I had first met her when she was about 13 while caring for her through a child and family services agency. She was a hurting little girl sobbing her eyes out and for a few moments allowed me to comfort her and pray for her. She was so shy that she wouldn't eat with us. She went on to a rehab program and the next time I saw her I hardly recognized her. She had grown up but she had also gained confidence. She was no longer shy and, in fact, had become quite a clown. It was hard to get her to be serious or express her real feelings. As time went on, I would only see her occasionally as she would be shifted from one place to the next, always causing her caregivers plenty of grief. I remember one particular day she resented me checking up on her and in her anger she punched a hole in the wall of her bedroom. Since her mother had taken her own life when J. was a little girl she would live with her grandmother whenever she went to her home community. I haven't seen her for quite a long time.

As my heart bleeds for this loss, I find myself asking "does Jesus care?" And if I think my pain is great, well, I only have to imagine her grandma. This is at least the 4th family member she's lost in this way.

I haven't heard any funeral plans or details and I don't know if I'll be able to go or not. It would be easy for me to get bitter over these situations, but I know it won't help. Suicide funerals are the absolute worst ones to go to. There's just no explanation or sense that can be made from a human point of view. Oh believe me, there are plenty of excuses or reasons, but what I mean is that it's just way too late then.

I think things like, "why didn't the Holy Spirit remind me to pray?", or "why haven't I stayed in touch with her?, maybe then...." Or, "why didn't she go talk to someone?" And now it's too late. Does anyone care? Anyone that knew her or are they all just struggling too much to see the pain around them? Then I can only cry out to the Lord of the Harvest to send more workers. People, with skin who can be Jesus to these lost hurting souls. All J. might have needed was for a real friend to call her up and talk, who knows? Our one staff who lives there is tired, and weary. She just started a weekly Bible School there, and now this. These events upset the whole community. Thank-you for reading to this point and hopefully it will cause you to pray for Colleen (our staff) and this family and community.

I know Jesus cares; His heart is touched with my grief...And His grace for me gives me HOPE!!!

Now What?

It feels like New Year's Day in some ways. We're alone again and have an empty nest for the most part. Today I had 2 little girls come for a few hours and tonight K.F. is sleeping here after meetings at the office. But, after all the Dec. traveling and then having family here it is very quiet.

After they left last Weds. I tackled the mound of sheets and towels plus put away the last bits of Christmas stuff. (Well, almost all of it. The outside wreaths are still up.) Then I started sorting out closets and drawers all the while telling myself to be really tough and act as if I were moving so I'd get rid of any and all unnecessary stuff. Hopefully I'll have enough stuff and time to have a garage sale this spring.

We did travel (5 hours one way) over the week-end to help a small struggling church and watched the Lord work in peoples hearts. It was rewarding to renew friendships and make some new friends. It's refreshing when you know people want to move forward.

I am asking the Lord what's next and waiting each day for Him to guide me. I'm not at all convinced I should go back to my old job. I seem to have plenty to do ministry wise the way it is. I for sure will not do 12 hour shifts again, or maybe I should say I don't want to. Guess I'm too old for that. I did start something new in the way of expanding my brain but I'll let you guess what that might be. And no. It's not face book!!! Not yet anyway. In some ways I'd like to go on to see which old friends from younger years I may reconnect with. The other side of me wonders how disciplined I'd be with it. What do you think?

Family times in KS and here

My sister, Doris holding her grandson, Wesley with Aimee beside them and her husband, Gary.
Granny and my brother, Howard helping Larissa get started filling health kits, which we did instead of giving gifts to each other.
Seven out of nine granddaughters with their new pajamas.

Kath, Doris and I!
Emilie on her pajamas! They match her blanket that I'd made for her and when she saw the p.j.s she didn't want to give them up to put on but just wanted to lay down on them.

Rhonda's four girls the Sunday before Christmas at our house. Below: my mom, with her latest Great grandchild, Mayah Grace Kauffman; my sister Kath with Mayah; around the table at my parents house; proud Papa holding Mayah in the dress he gave her.

The continuing journey

Ready to eat!
Instead of buying veggies off the MB truck, the guys found lobsters being sold off the back of some guys truck. So, they bought a bunch of supper and cooked them up. I had a few bites, but truthfully, I'd have to acquire a taste for them.

Just before dropping it into the water. The kids were impressed, but I didn't want to watch.

We drove out to see Peggy's Cove one day and I decided seeing it in the summer would be even more fun and enjoyable.

Catching up with Dec. '08

I'm not going to try to write all the details of my life in December, but I will try to post a bunch of new pictures in the next few days. From the 8th-18th, I was helping daughter # 2 and family move to the east coast. From the 23d - to Jan. 2, we were in KS with my family (and with our kids and grandkids). So, you can imagine that there are plenty of pictures.