Does Jesus Care?

Yesterday I got one of those phone calls that I don't care for. Our missions staff that lives in a remote community called to let me know that J. (age 17) had taken her own life. I was stunned. Then angry. I had first met her when she was about 13 while caring for her through a child and family services agency. She was a hurting little girl sobbing her eyes out and for a few moments allowed me to comfort her and pray for her. She was so shy that she wouldn't eat with us. She went on to a rehab program and the next time I saw her I hardly recognized her. She had grown up but she had also gained confidence. She was no longer shy and, in fact, had become quite a clown. It was hard to get her to be serious or express her real feelings. As time went on, I would only see her occasionally as she would be shifted from one place to the next, always causing her caregivers plenty of grief. I remember one particular day she resented me checking up on her and in her anger she punched a hole in the wall of her bedroom. Since her mother had taken her own life when J. was a little girl she would live with her grandmother whenever she went to her home community. I haven't seen her for quite a long time.

As my heart bleeds for this loss, I find myself asking "does Jesus care?" And if I think my pain is great, well, I only have to imagine her grandma. This is at least the 4th family member she's lost in this way.

I haven't heard any funeral plans or details and I don't know if I'll be able to go or not. It would be easy for me to get bitter over these situations, but I know it won't help. Suicide funerals are the absolute worst ones to go to. There's just no explanation or sense that can be made from a human point of view. Oh believe me, there are plenty of excuses or reasons, but what I mean is that it's just way too late then.

I think things like, "why didn't the Holy Spirit remind me to pray?", or "why haven't I stayed in touch with her?, maybe then...." Or, "why didn't she go talk to someone?" And now it's too late. Does anyone care? Anyone that knew her or are they all just struggling too much to see the pain around them? Then I can only cry out to the Lord of the Harvest to send more workers. People, with skin who can be Jesus to these lost hurting souls. All J. might have needed was for a real friend to call her up and talk, who knows? Our one staff who lives there is tired, and weary. She just started a weekly Bible School there, and now this. These events upset the whole community. Thank-you for reading to this point and hopefully it will cause you to pray for Colleen (our staff) and this family and community.

I know Jesus cares; His heart is touched with my grief...And His grace for me gives me HOPE!!!