Does Jesus Care?

Yesterday I got one of those phone calls that I don't care for. Our missions staff that lives in a remote community called to let me know that J. (age 17) had taken her own life. I was stunned. Then angry. I had first met her when she was about 13 while caring for her through a child and family services agency. She was a hurting little girl sobbing her eyes out and for a few moments allowed me to comfort her and pray for her. She was so shy that she wouldn't eat with us. She went on to a rehab program and the next time I saw her I hardly recognized her. She had grown up but she had also gained confidence. She was no longer shy and, in fact, had become quite a clown. It was hard to get her to be serious or express her real feelings. As time went on, I would only see her occasionally as she would be shifted from one place to the next, always causing her caregivers plenty of grief. I remember one particular day she resented me checking up on her and in her anger she punched a hole in the wall of her bedroom. Since her mother had taken her own life when J. was a little girl she would live with her grandmother whenever she went to her home community. I haven't seen her for quite a long time.

As my heart bleeds for this loss, I find myself asking "does Jesus care?" And if I think my pain is great, well, I only have to imagine her grandma. This is at least the 4th family member she's lost in this way.

I haven't heard any funeral plans or details and I don't know if I'll be able to go or not. It would be easy for me to get bitter over these situations, but I know it won't help. Suicide funerals are the absolute worst ones to go to. There's just no explanation or sense that can be made from a human point of view. Oh believe me, there are plenty of excuses or reasons, but what I mean is that it's just way too late then.

I think things like, "why didn't the Holy Spirit remind me to pray?", or "why haven't I stayed in touch with her?, maybe then...." Or, "why didn't she go talk to someone?" And now it's too late. Does anyone care? Anyone that knew her or are they all just struggling too much to see the pain around them? Then I can only cry out to the Lord of the Harvest to send more workers. People, with skin who can be Jesus to these lost hurting souls. All J. might have needed was for a real friend to call her up and talk, who knows? Our one staff who lives there is tired, and weary. She just started a weekly Bible School there, and now this. These events upset the whole community. Thank-you for reading to this point and hopefully it will cause you to pray for Colleen (our staff) and this family and community.

I know Jesus cares; His heart is touched with my grief...And His grace for me gives me HOPE!!!

Now What?

It feels like New Year's Day in some ways. We're alone again and have an empty nest for the most part. Today I had 2 little girls come for a few hours and tonight K.F. is sleeping here after meetings at the office. But, after all the Dec. traveling and then having family here it is very quiet.

After they left last Weds. I tackled the mound of sheets and towels plus put away the last bits of Christmas stuff. (Well, almost all of it. The outside wreaths are still up.) Then I started sorting out closets and drawers all the while telling myself to be really tough and act as if I were moving so I'd get rid of any and all unnecessary stuff. Hopefully I'll have enough stuff and time to have a garage sale this spring.

We did travel (5 hours one way) over the week-end to help a small struggling church and watched the Lord work in peoples hearts. It was rewarding to renew friendships and make some new friends. It's refreshing when you know people want to move forward.

I am asking the Lord what's next and waiting each day for Him to guide me. I'm not at all convinced I should go back to my old job. I seem to have plenty to do ministry wise the way it is. I for sure will not do 12 hour shifts again, or maybe I should say I don't want to. Guess I'm too old for that. I did start something new in the way of expanding my brain but I'll let you guess what that might be. And no. It's not face book!!! Not yet anyway. In some ways I'd like to go on to see which old friends from younger years I may reconnect with. The other side of me wonders how disciplined I'd be with it. What do you think?

Family times in KS and here

My sister, Doris holding her grandson, Wesley with Aimee beside them and her husband, Gary.
Granny and my brother, Howard helping Larissa get started filling health kits, which we did instead of giving gifts to each other.
Seven out of nine granddaughters with their new pajamas.

Kath, Doris and I!
Emilie on her pajamas! They match her blanket that I'd made for her and when she saw the p.j.s she didn't want to give them up to put on but just wanted to lay down on them.

Rhonda's four girls the Sunday before Christmas at our house. Below: my mom, with her latest Great grandchild, Mayah Grace Kauffman; my sister Kath with Mayah; around the table at my parents house; proud Papa holding Mayah in the dress he gave her.

The continuing journey

Ready to eat!
Instead of buying veggies off the MB truck, the guys found lobsters being sold off the back of some guys truck. So, they bought a bunch of supper and cooked them up. I had a few bites, but truthfully, I'd have to acquire a taste for them.

Just before dropping it into the water. The kids were impressed, but I didn't want to watch.

We drove out to see Peggy's Cove one day and I decided seeing it in the summer would be even more fun and enjoyable.

Catching up with Dec. '08

I'm not going to try to write all the details of my life in December, but I will try to post a bunch of new pictures in the next few days. From the 8th-18th, I was helping daughter # 2 and family move to the east coast. From the 23d - to Jan. 2, we were in KS with my family (and with our kids and grandkids). So, you can imagine that there are plenty of pictures.

SHOUTIN' TO THE LORD

Yesterday was my app't. in Winnipeg and we just got home a couple of hours ago. I have so, so much to be thankful for!

My doctor told me that she discussed my case with the angio. dr. and they knew they could put me through another angiogram to see what my torn artery looks like now. But, she said that if it's still torn like it had been they still would be unable to stent it or do an angioplasty. So, she figured why do an invasive procedure like that when the stress test could show how my arteries worked when the heart is under stress.

I forgot to ask what drug they used to get my heart rate up to 139/min., but I had no pains whatsoever the whole time and was amazed that it was over so quickly. The technicians were all so friendly and then excited when everything showed up looking so good and saying what a strong heart I have, etc. I knew from what the cardiologist had said earlier that if everything checks out "normal" compared to how my heart is/was at rest, there would be no need for further treatment. I think I had so many emotions that I'd been holding in and didn't realize it until the news was good.

Well, first I choked up and started to cry but I was so happy when I was told my heart under stress was just as normal as it was when at rest. And then I said, "Thank-you, Jesus!!!" I am so humbled by all of this and cannot thank my good Creator enough. When I went out into the hall and saw Merle, I was just overcome with a flood of greatful feelings of just being alive! The cardiologist ended our talk by saying, "You won't need to see me again." When I smiled and thanked her for all she's done for me she said that sometimes when she tells people that they don't like it. I assured her it wasn't because of not wanting to see her again, but that it meant I'm well enough to not need to see her and for me that is just awesome. She said if I ever need her not to be afraid to let her know.

Be presistent in seeking the Lord. Never ever give up!!!

Changes are coming

November has been filled with traveling to see our staff in the urban areas, meeting baby Mayah, (oh yeah, we did visit with her parents too), and I spent a week in the 'peg helping daughter #2 with babysitting, cooking, cleaning, packing, crying, etc. This saying good-bye business gets old in a hurry as many of you know, I'm sure.

I learned that I can, with the Lord's help, give pokes to take blood sugar levels and give insulin even when it's to a precious little granddaughter. I guess it's a bit like God does to me. Even when things don't "feel" good they are for my own well being in the long run!

The next few weeks don't look any less busy, unfortunately. This coming Thursday is my next app't. with the cardiologist with 2 more echocardiogram tests. One with my heart resting and the next one with it stressed induced. If they don't match up they will likely want to repeat the angiogram. For some reason I am not looking forward to this but want to get it over with! I'd again appreciate prayer as we go through this and will try to update when I return. I need wisdom to ask the right questions too.

It was fun seeing little Emilie toddling around and playing peek-a-boo around the stack of packed boxes. She sways back and forth when there's music going or when her sisters are singing and even tries to help sing. She likes to cuddle and even let Papa and I have some turns! Their whole family can use all the prayers available for this transition time as it's still a long way from finished. Thanks for caring!

Sweet times

Here are some of the pictures of our first meeting our precious new granddaughter, Mayah.

Mayah Grace--newborn

Here are some pictures sent to us from the parents. We are in the Soo now and plan to head to Col. tomorrow. I heard crying in the background last night on the phone and I seem to think she was needing Grandma to hold her.

It's a GIRL!!!!!

Yes, she's is a cute little baby girl, born to Kirk and Karla last evening at 6:10 p.m. We haven't seen her yet, of course, but hopefully by the week-end we will be able to. She weighs 7 lbs. 7 oz.
I'll post pics when I can. Merle and I are thrilled!!!!
Her name is Mayah Grace. Apparently it's got Spanish roots, but we rather like the Ojibway meaning, "Exactly Right". Gotta love it!!

Winter's coming

We've had a very beautiful fall with lots of nice weather in Sept. and Oct., so we knew that it could change any day now. Yesterday it was raining part of the time and snowing lightly part of the time, so I didn't know what to expect when I woke up this morning. But, there was only a little bit of snow on the ground and it's not very cold for the end of October. I tried to capture it through the window for you to see.

All summer Merle has been working with our partner Dave on a project (at least on and off and between contractors). They decided last winter that this town needs a good dependable car wash that you can count on the hours and workability, etc. So, we opened for business last Sat. p.m., but were still working out the last minute glitches.

We're waiting on word from K and K on the arrival of our 9th grandchild. Her due date was last Friday, but they're hoping for D-date on Weds. while he's off of school. So, we'll see. We plan to go meet this new little person, but we're not sure how soon that will be as we also want to visit our staff in the urban areas this week and next.

Until next time....

This morning

This morning we went to visit a neighbor lady and see her doll collection. Wow! She has over 100 dolls and gave the girls each one to take home, which was totally unexpected.

1000 words...?

Instead of writing a lot about all our activities lately, I'll just post a bunch of pics. If you need any explaining you can comment with your name and I'll try to tell you what's going on, etc. It's sure a busy place around here.